Hell and a Side of Meatloaf
by Aku Blossom
Summary: Sedusa, in a slump after her last scheme failed, takes on a job that finds her in the possession of a very special artifact. One that has her employers ready to kill her for. One that has caught a certain lobster-clawed demon's interest. Him x Sedusa
1. Bat out of Hell

_**Hell and a Side of Meatloaf**_

**Bat out of Hell**

It was a job, plain and simple. There hadn't been too many questions asked, nor were most of the questions asked even answered. After so much time out of the picture, the thief really wasn't in any position to complain about her employer's motives. Afterall, the job itself wasn't anything she couldn't handle. Break into a simple jewelry store and steal a dusty amulet of almost no black market value. She didn't care why he wanted it, she didn't even care what it really was, she just cared that he was going to pay her for it. Pay her handsomely.

So that was how she found herself alone, dressed in black and hiding on the rooftop of Townsville's cheapest, least impressive jewelry store on a cold, windy night in November. Shivering slightly as another frigid gale hit her, she tightened her mask a little more and rubbed her arms. Best to get the job over with quickly and discreetly. If she took too long someone would notice. Someone always noticed. And if someone noticed then the girls would show up. And the girls always showed up. Of course, if the girls showed up, she would inevitably lose. She always lost.

"Time to get to work," She whispered under her breath as the lights finally shut out and the owner strolled to his car. She watched him climb in, start the engine...a few minutes passed, he was probably waiting for the car to warm up. Then with a hitch, the ratty old thing took off down the street, probably to a nice warm bed. As desperate as she was for work...right about then a nice warm bed with a giant fluffy comforter sounded just about wonderful. She shook her head and walked to the back end of the roof, sliding down the gutter and landing daintily on the only window sill in back.

"I'm almost insulted...this is going to be too easy," She muttered, attaching a claw to one of her gloves and slicing a hole just large enough for her to fit through in the window. Gently she slid the glass circle out, setting it aside and gingerly working her way into the window. She landed on the bathroom sink and slid a pair of night vision goggles into place, turning them on and observing the sea of green around her. The thief nodded and carefully climbed down, pulling open the door slowly, wincing when it uttered just a hint of a creak.

Peering outside she spotted the main room of the store. She shook her head, once again realizing just how pathetically small the scene of her crime was. The thief crawled to the edge of the small hallway leading to the bathroom and peaked around the corner. The giant glass windows had been covered by thick, gray blinds. Probably an effort to detract would-be thieves. Or in this case a certainly-is thief. She shook her head and took out a canister, thinly spraying the area around her. She had to frown and utter a slight groan. There weren't even laser detectors guarding the store. It really wasn't a place anyone would rob. It looked more like a bad yard sale than a jewelry store.

"Screw subtlety..." The thief stood up and strolled out into the center of the room, hands on her hips as she looked around. Nothing was protecting the store except the locked door itself. It was a wonder her employer didn't just snatch the amulet himself.

"Just think of the money, just about the money," The thief had been scoping out the store for several days now, and knew very well that there weren't even security cameras guarding the place. She walked up to the case holding the amulet, intentionally adding more to the sway of her hips as she went.

There it was, her prize. A moldy looking, dull copper amulet. The cheap antique was bent and dented, barely retaining its original oval shape. It had a rusted chain attached to it, and about the only thing of interest—beyond the thick coating of dirt and grime—was a single archaic symbol chiseled into the front. The thief rolled her eyes and re-equipped the claw on her finger. Her employer probably wanted it for some bogus magic spell or something. She cut a hole just large enough for her fist to fit through on the top of the case and moved the glass away gently. No alarms. She reached into the case and grabbed the amulet with just two fingers. Still no alarm. She narrowed her eyes and grit her teeth, slowly lifting it off the ratty pillow it was positioned on. No alarms. The thief sighed and just jerked the amulet out, knocking over and smashing the case. No alarms sounded.

"Is this a joke? Seriously...why in the world did he need me to get this?" The thief looked down at her stolen good, walking back to the bathroom to leave. She didn't even bother shutting the door to the bathroom, though she did exit through the hole she'd cut. Once on top of the roof again she took a moment to glance at her watch. Three minutes and fifty-seven...fifty-eight seconds after getting inside. Her easiest heist of all time.

"Oh well...at least I can buy groceries now..." The thief left the building from a different side, uncovering her get away ride, a silver and black Phantom motorcycle. The thief tucked her prize away in a pouch on her leg and hopped onto her bike, looking around cautiously before starting up her ride and hurrying on her way. After she was a safe enough distance from the jewelry store, the thief finally took off her mask, stuffing it and her goggles into the pocket on the side of her bike.

"I cannot believe I was hired for such child's play! I might be in a slump right now, but I still have some pride!" Sedusa hissed, glaring as she made a sharp turn. Her employer was in Citysville, that might have been part of the reason she was hired. It didn't explain everything though. A lot of the questions she had asked, she now wished she had pressed for real answers. Sedusa saw the bridge coming into view and yawned, shaking her head.

"Stay awake Abby...the job is almost done then you can get back home," Home, a third rate apartment in the more rundown side of town that Townsville tried to ignore existing. Just a few more hours and she could be home to her nice warm bed. A single with thin sheets and two flat pillows. Her nice, wonderful bed. Sedusa shook her head and yawned again. Driving always had been a cure for insomnia. The trip was uneventful. A few times she had to dodge the occasional cop, not that they were really looking for her. And a few times she needed to swerve away from an oncoming car, but in no time she'd reached her employer's home, or at least the place where he had agreed to meet her to make the transfer.

Sedusa parked her bike around the corner, making sure it was carefully hidden as well as she could manage. Typically when she was arrested she had most of her possessions confiscated. The bike had been the one thing she'd held onto consistently. Nodding at her handiwork, and making sure she had her prize in hand, Sedusa headed around back and slipped into the conspicuously unlocked back door. The lobby was dark and deserted. Also, like most things in Citysville, it was a complete dump. Sedusa ran a hand through her hair as she headed to the elevator. As she reached out to push the down button she paused, pursing her lips. She turned on her heel and started up the stairs. He wanted to meet on the top floor in room 14B. She'd just walk it, it'd be easier to stay awake that way.

"He had better pray he's got the money he promise...my rent is due tomorrow," Sedusa whispered, her voice becoming a slight whine at the end. As evil and villainous as she was, her landlord was a thousand times worse. Some days she'd rather be a tenant for the devil than that woman. Sedusa stifled a yawn as she reached the floor and began walking down the hall. She paused as she passed by 13B. She could hear voices just ahead. She noticed the door was just slightly cracked. Glancing around and confirming that she was still alone, Sedusa crept up to the door, kneeling beneath the peep hole, and leaned as close as she dared to the crack.

"She should be here soon...are you sure we can trust this broad?" Sedusa narrowed her eyes, hearing the chuckling response. It was her employer.

"Of course not...you know how 'they' are. As soon as we have the amulet, she'll take a nice long nap," Sedusa winced and growled silently. Her hair began to writhe subconsciously. She froze when she heard a new voice, a very deep one.

"I heard an engine downstairs, should I just go get it?" Sedusa slid back a few inches, her eyes twitching. Her employer chuckled again.

"Relax everyone...you're making this woman out to be some kind of threat. She doesn't know anything, I told you to just trust me," Sedusa glanced back, swallowing the lump in her throat. She began to slowly back away until she was well away from the door. Then as quietly as she could she slipped around to the stairs, picking up her pace a little when she heard the door open just as she was out of sight. The voice she heard behind her was a low hiss, but still somehow carried in the silent building.

"I heard something out here...I'm going to check it out," Sedusa continued to hurry down the stairs, her heart pounding faster and faster as she heard the owner of the voice gaining on her. She threw caution to the wind and took off running. This time the voice was loud and clear, a booming growl shaking the staircase.

"She's getting away! She heard us, stop her!" Now Sedusa was panicking. The figure was gaining on her, moving with unreal speed. It almost sounded like...like he was running on the walls. Chancing a glance over her shoulder as she reached the back door, Sedusa saw a glistening pair of teal eyes gleaming at her in the darkness. She didn't bother too look closer, she just slammed the door and hopped on her bike starting it and taking off, just as the door smashed and the man who was pursuing her came out to the night. Sedusa didn't dare look over her shoulder, she just gunned the engine and hurried toward the Citysville bridge as fast as her bike could manage.

"What the?!" Sedusa glanced over her shoulder, gasping when she saw something gigantic tear through the side of the apartment building and hit the street. And she could see those gleaming teal eyes gaining on her, that thing was catching up to her bike! Sedusa turned around a sharp corner, her bike almost spinning out of control. As she took off down the street she felt something fly by and turned to see a previously parked car rolling across the street away from her and smashing through a store window.

"Faster, c'mon baby, you can do it! Do it for Mommy, just a little bit faster!" Sedusa could see the bridge in the distance, she was almost out of Citysville. Glancing back one more time, she shrieked and her hair shot out, smacking aside a stop sign that had been hurtling at her like a buzzsaw. She gasped, watching the teal eyed assailant begin to come around the corner. Sedusa turned back and faced down the bridge .If she could just make it to Townsville she might have a better chance of escaping. At least there these goons couldn't just smash through the streets without alerting the-

Sedusa forgot to scream when something hit the side of her bike and sent it spinning out of control, slamming into the side of the bridge, throwing her off and over the side. She weakly opened her eyes and looked up, blacking out when her back crashed into the water below. Sedusa sank deeper and deeper into the river, being quickly carried away by the current. Back on the bridge the teal-eyed creature had finally caught up with the bike and was checking it wildly. He was soon joined by five other figures, his booming voice getting louder and heavier.

"It's not here! The bitch still has it! The bitch still has it! I swear by all that's evil and unholy I'm going to rip her apart!" Sedusa's employer stepped forward, putting a hand on his companion's shoulder. The teal-eyed man calmed down, halting his regression into a less human appearance.

"Calm down, she's probably dead. They aren't terribly durable, you know?" He leaned on the side of the bridge, whistling and wiping away the trails of blood Sedusa had left behind when she was sent flying over the edge. "A very nice shot though...you almost hit her," The large man in the back snorted and crossed his arms, looking back at the chase scene. A smaller member of the crew approached him and rubbed her chin.

"We should take care of this...we don't want those three getting in on this," The employer looked back at the damage and shrugged.

"Why it doesn't really make that much a difference...and yet, that would probably be the wisest choice...no use alarming him either," The others nodded and began to walk away from the scene. The employer leaned on the railing and laced his fingers, resting his chin on them. "My dear, you really should have just given me what I commissioned you to acquire," He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He put his hands in his pockets and walked off to join the others. They had cleaning to do.

* * *

Sedusa washed up to the surface, floating down the river and heading towards Townsville Bay. As she brushed against the shore, a shadow passed overhead, a red mist following her. A claw extended from the mist and caught her by the hair, hefting her onto the shoreline. A sinister figure emerged from the mist. Stroking his goatee, he cocked his head to the side, clacking his tongue.

"Now what in the world would they want with you, my dear?" The demon looked Sedusa over, looking for any pockets or pouches on her outfit. He beamed upon noticing the pouch on her leg and popped it open, sticking a claw in. He hissed and pulled his claw back, kissing it and glaring at the pouch.

"What the? What could you possibly have that..." Him crouched down and held the pouch open, peering inside. He could make out something, but it wasn't very well lit. He stroked his goatee, then flicked his wrist causing a flashlight to appear in his claw. Clicking it on he peered inside and stared at the contents. A dusty old amulet that looked like it had definitely seen better days. Him's eyes widened and he quickly stood up, one claw behind his back while tapping his lips with his other claw.

"Oh dear, oh deary, deary, dear...if that's what I think it is..." Him blinked and grinned clasping his claws in front of his face and leering at Sedusa. "Oh my dear little vixen, you haven't a clue what you've found, do you? Oh how you have been played," He chided in a sing-song voice. Him giggled and knelt over, lifting Sedusa into his arms, leering at her. He closed the pouch, making sure to keep his claws far away from the contents.

"Let us get you somewhere nice and safe...we can discuss your little trinket when you wake up, wouldn't want you to fall into their hands now would we?" Him cackled as a red mist whipped up around him and the seductress, whisking them away to his home.


	2. II

_**Hell and a Side of Meatloaf**_

Sedusa began to come to several hours later. Or to put it more simply, she started to become aware again. Her eyes still didn't function properly enough to open. Her nose was the first thing to really get back in the swing of things, quickly assaulted by what smelled like cookies and rose petals. She scrunched her nose and coughed. The smell was pretty heavy, not too overwhelming though. Slowly she became aware of someone in the distance humming merrily. It was at that point her eyes finally decided to work again. Uneasily her green eyes creaked open, staring up at the pink ceiling above her. She winced and sat up, looking around in a daze.

"Where am I?" Sedusa ran her hands through her hair, which was hanging limply until a few strokes brought it back to life. She smiled when it gently caressed her cheeks and shoulders before resuming its usual state. Sedusa looked down at herself, half expecting to be naked. She was pleasantly surprised to see that she'd just had her shoes and gloves removed. Stretched she looked around, getting a good look at the room's decor.

The heavy black comforter felt absolutely wonderful, the warm feeling made only more sensually amazing by the red silk sheets. The walls were pink, the carpet dark red, the vanity in the corner was pink. There was an obvious pattern to the home owner's taste. Sedusa stuck her tongue out. She liked black and red as much as the next person, but this person took it a little too far. She sighed and rubbed her head.

"What happened...I was being chased...then uh..."

"Then you took a little swim, dear! Oh but I fished you out and fixed you up nice and cozy!" Sedusa jumped and nearly screamed when the room's owner came in, grinning broadly and carrying a tray of food in one claw while gesturing wildly with the other. Sedusa squinted her eyes and stared at the strange man creature. He looked kind of familiar, she had probably seen him on television before but...

"Who in the world are you? Where am I?" The man giggled girlishly, speaking in a creepy, echoing high voice. Listening closely, Sedusa could hear a second, lower voice in the echo. He sat the tray down on her lap, Sedusa's green eyes growing wide at the platter. Pancakes, sausages, bacon, toast, eggs, and glasses of milk, orange juice, and apple juice. She slowly looked back up at him again, narrowing one eye in confusion. The man bowed deeply, sweeping one claw out.

"Why my dear, I'm shocked you haven't heard of me! I am a very, very long time resident of our little city. You can call me...Him," He looked up at her, half-expecting shocked recognition. Sedusa was ignoring him entirely, ravenously eating the generous breakfast he had provided her. Him growled and rested his cheek on his claw. He waited patiently, but his patience wasn't exactly legendary. Finally tapped out, he cleared his throat and snapped his claw.

"Hm? Oh...so your name is...Him, I think I've heard of you," Him puffed his chest out and put his claws behind his back.

"Oh yes, I'm quite infamous here in town. I'm one of the Powerpuff Girls biggest nemeses!" He giggled and waved his claw. Sedusa raised an eyebrow and shook her head, returning to her food. She chewed a bite of sausage then looked up again, gesturing at him with her fork.

"You hang out with Mojo a lot don't you? What's up with that?" Him blushed and quickly cleared his throat, slicking his hair back.

"That ignorant little primate just has a habit of getting in my way...I would do something about him but he's just so entertaining to watch..." The demon stroked his goatee and paced the room, a pair of green eyes watching him closely. He didn't seem terribly dangerous so far. He was actually terribly camp for a villain. Sedusa sighed and downed the glass of orange juice, daintily wiping her mouth on the frilly pink napkin the demon had provided her.

"So...why did you save me? I didn't have the best night, if you're hoping I'll put out," Him stopped and stared at her incredulously. He quickly turned away, crossing his arms and huffing.

"Oh my dear, you think I would go to all the trouble of patching you up and feeding you if I just wanted to bed with you? Oh no, no, no! If I wanted that I could have just done that any time while you were unconscious!" Sedusa shrugged and finished her last piece of toast.

"I guess so, what do you want then?" Him clasped his claws and leaned over her shoulder, smiling broadly.

"Well you see, my little vixen, you've come into possession of something so very, very interesting!" Sedusa looked down toward her feet, eying where her leg pouch was.

"The amulet? Yeah...it almost got me killed, stupid thing isn't even worth anything!" Him gasped and shook his head, putting a claw around Sedusa's shoulders while pointing cautiously toward her leg.

"Oh no, I can assure you that little talisman is very valuable! Just...not from a monetary stand point," He laughed sheepishly and shrugged as he stood up straight. Sedusa downed the glass of apple juice and handed the tray back to Him, throwing back the covers and climbing out of the bed. She stretched upon standing up, sighing contentedly when her back cracked several times.

"That feels so much better..." Sedusa lifted her leg and pulled the amulet out of the pouch, eying it critically. "What good could this thing possibly be then? Don't tell me some stupid magic...I'm done with magic," Him laughed at the irony, looking away.

"Oh yes...magic is so very, very cliché..." Sedusa spotted her boots and sat back down, sliding them on and snatching up her gloves. Him blinked as she headed for the door, following her with his claws behind his back.

"Sweetheart, where exactly are you going?" Sedusa looked back and blinked. She quickly put a hand on her hip and glared at Him.

"I appreciate the food and everything, but I'm not in the mood for anything freaky, I'm going home," Him clacked his tongue and wagged a claw at her, giving her a chiding smirk.

"You can't just walk out like that, I still haven't gotten my just reward for rescuing you," Sedusa groaned and glared at Him, putting her other hand on her hip and trying to look as pissed off as possible. She really was pissed off, so it wasn't exactly hard to pull off.

"I just told you, I'm not in the mood, Lobster Boy," Him glared and dropped his claws to his side, his green eyes glowing a bit. He stood up to his full height and stalked over to Sedusa, his six feet and six inches dwarfing her five feet and seven inches.

"**You don't seem to understand who you are dealing with**!" His girlish, high-pitched voice was gone, now replaced by a rumbling, demonic voice. Sedusa gulped and took a few steps back, her hair sharpening on reflex. Him crossed his arms and glared, baring his fangs. "I expect something in return for my...kindness," He seemed to cringe using the word, "It doesn't happen very often!" Sedusa sighed and glared back, marching up to him and standing up on her toes, kissing him on the cheek. Him stood stunned and confused while Sedusa glared at him.

"There you big baby, I'm out of here," Him continued to stand there staring at her as she stomped out, slamming the door as she left.

* * *

Sedusa shivered and hugged herself tightly upon stepping out into the cold November air. She could really appreciate just how warm Him's house had been now that she was reminded of how cold Townsville was this time of year. She looked around with tired eyes, sighing and lowering her head. She was on the opposite side of town, it was going to take hours to get home without her bike.

"Those creeps are going to pay..." Sedusa looked down at the amulet she was holding, turning it over and giving it a closer examination now that she wasn't in such a tight position. It was hard to get a good look as hard as her teeth were chattering. She looked up and sighed, watching several cars go by. The creep just had to live in the suburbs.

The pale thief came to a halt when a red mist whipped around her and Him materialized before her, finally collected again. He wasn't exactly imposing this time however...since he was now wearing a giant puffy jacket with about four scarves around his neck and several wool caps pulled over his head. His yellow-green eyes were still visible though, and they looked angry. Sedusa quickly hid her weary, cold expression behind one of frustration.

"What do you want? I'm not sleeping with you! It's too cold, I'm too tired, and I just want to go home!" Him growled and held up his claws menacingly, jutting one out and sticking it in her face.

"I didn't want you to kiss me! And I told you, I don't want to sleep with you!" Sedusa shuddered and stomped her foot, clenching her fists. Her hair was writhing around violently.

"Then what do you want!?" Him coughed into his claw, quickly recomposing himself. He held out a claw and spoke in the most diplomatic voice he could muster, even if his teeth were chattering like Sedusa's.

"Well you see, I'm very interested in that little trinket you have," Sedusa grit her teeth and thrust the amulet into his claws.

"Then take it!" She was shocked when Him suddenly screamed and dropped the amulet, jumping back and rubbing his claws. There was a visible burn mark on the claw that had touched the amulet. "What the Hell?" Him growled and kicked the amulet back to her, hissing when it touched his boot.

"If it were that simple, do you think I'd have taken you with it?" Sedusa knelt down and picked it up, crossing her arms and smirking as haughtily as she could. The shivering really killed the look.

"Oh let me guess, demons can't touch this stupid thing? Or just gay guys?" Him snarled and stood up to his full height again, in her face in an instant and barking in his demon voice.

"**One more comment like that and I'll personally tear your.**.." He took a deep breath and let it out, spinning around and walking away, playing with one of his scarves and snapping his other claw. Sedusa smirked, all things considered. It was a very satisfying feeling seeing Him so flustered. The demon spun around again and clasped his claws, speaking diplomatically again.

"Ahem...now my dear...I didn't quite catch your name?" Sedusa hugged herself again, though she tried to make it look more like she was crossing her arms.

"Sedusa," She hissed out. Him watched her hair shiver and tense up. He began playing with his scarf again.

"Ah yes, Sedusa, I've heard the name. My, my, you're a bit of a small-timer aren't you?" Sedusa growled and Him smirked, glad to see the tables turned. "Now why don't we discuss my payment for my services, hmmm?" Sedusa growled and started walking again, keeping her head down against the gust of wind coming her way.

"I'm done standing out here, I'm done freezing, and I'm done talking to you!" Him watched her stalk off and shivered. It was awfully cold, he sighed and snapped his claw. Moments later a taxi drove up and stopped next to him. Him beamed and climbed in the back, sighing contentedly.

"Follow that darling young lady, my good fellow. And remember!" He spoke in a sing-song voice, "Don't let her see you!" The driver rolled his eyes, but nodded and started to follow Sedusa as subtly as he could. Him whistled as they went, interested to see where exactly a shapely creature like Sedusa called home.

* * *

"Home Sweet Home..." Sedusa mockingly whispered as she finally ascended the cracked and battered stoop to the apartment complex she lived in. She pulled off her gloves and rubbed her hands together when she walked inside, slamming the door behind her and blowing into her hands. Thankfully there was no one around, the last thing she needed was anyone asking questions. Most of them having to do with her legs and who had been between them over the last twenty-four hours.

"At least she's not here..."

"Hey Lady!" Sedusa groaned and slouched, only a few more flights of stairs and she'd have been safe. She slowly turned and smiled as apologetically as she could manage to the woman approaching. The woman was short and stout, arms and legs lined with fat covering what Sedusa had learned was very, very hard muscle. She was balding with patches of her greasy gray hair clinging on for dear life. Her glasses were always dirty and crooked, and she walked with a perpetual limp.

"Oh hi there Ms. Copular...my you're looking just great today," Sedusa's eye twitched and her hair shivered violently at the amount of sugary sweetness she forced into her voice. The landlady, Ms. Copular, just glared and put her hands on her hips.

"Your rent is late, Lady, that's the third time in a row. I ain't gonna have you keep cheatin' me. I ain't no horny bastard you can just spread for, ya wiggly haired Bimbo," Sedusa's eye twitched again and it took all of her willpower to keep from lashing out and strangling the unbearable woman. Also a healthy amount of fear kept her rage in check. Instead she just poured enough sugar to give someone diabetes into her voice.

"Oh I am so sorry, I promise it won't happen again. I've just had the hardest time between jobs, I will have that rent money to you as soon as I possibly can," Ms. Copular narrowed her eyes and shook her fist in Sedusa's face, the taller woman swallowing hard and taking a step back.

"You're gonna have a little interest in there, or I ain't gonna just kick you out. I'm gonna kick your hussy ass!" Sedusa nodded numbly and watched Ms. Copular stalk off. She shuddered and slouched, sniffing. The minute Ms. Copular was out of sight, her hair lashed out and tore apart a nearby ratty table, which had previously carried announcements for the tenants.

"That miserable little witch...one of these days...I am going to just..." Sedusa sighed and pouted as she began to head up the stairs to her apartment. She was well aware she couldn't take on her wicked landlady. The woman was probably meaner than the devil himself.

Sedusa sighed and looked up, smiling weakly upon seeing the crooked 34C looking back at her. She fished through her leg pouch and pulled out her house key, stepping inside and pushing the door closed. Before she turned on the lights she made sure to turn all the locks on the door. Sighing and smiling she threw on the light, her smile wavering when she looked at her miserable living quarters.

Her apartment was just about the definition of a hovel. Step saver kitchen with busted oven, ruined stove—three of the hot plates didn't work, a cracked counter with an underpowered microwave that usually threw her breaker if it ran more than a few seconds on top, and tiny little refrigerator that belonged more in a dorm room than a thirty-two year old woman's apartment, and completing the set was a relatively new waste basket in the corner. Immediately adjacent was her living room. Which was actually her bedroom. There was just her tiny bed, a small television with an antenna and ancient VCR, and a dresser that took up way too much space next to a rickety clothes basket. The only separate room was her bathroom...which was basically a toilet across from a sink with a shower she barely fit in to the side.

"Home...I need a shower," Sedusa began to shamelessly strip off her clothing, throwing it onto her bed as she went. Her apartment didn't even have a window, so there was no danger of anyone peeping on her. The bathroom door shut and a shriek was heard as the cold thief was met by even colder water.

Sedusa walked out of the bathroom about ten minutes later, still feeling out of whack but at least didn't feel quite as dirty. She looked up and screamed, stumbling back against the bathroom door and staring at the figure now seated on her bed. Him looked up from where he'd previously been reading one of the Cosmopolitan magazines she'd stolen the last time she went grocery shopping. His eyes grew wide when he spotted the thief, who now stood dripping wet and only wearing a towel across from him. He cleared his throat and calmly closed the magazine, setting it down.

"I tried knocking but," Sedusa's eyes slowly narrowed and she began shaking.

"What are you doing here!?" She screamed, trying to look as menacing as possible while holding up a towel that was much too small for her. Him crossed his legs and rested his claws on his knee, clearing his throat and gesturing to the amulet laying at the end of the bed.

"Well you see, I never got to finish talking to you about this little trinket here," Sedusa screamed and marched up to Him, grabbing him by the collar and jerking him away from her bed, shoving him into the kitchen.

"I didn't invite you in here! Isn't there some rule against demons going in peoples' homes without permission?" Him heard the towel drop and kept his back turned to the thief, claws behind him. He balanced on the pointed heels of his stilettos while he spoke.

"I believe you're thinking of vampires, Sedusa,"

"Whatever, it should apply to demons too!" Him heard her fall down heavily on the bed and decided it was as good a time as any to turn around. He turned and grinned sneakily while facing the seductress. Her hair was still wet and hanging limp, though it occasionally twitched. Sedusa herself was wearing a red night gown with black lace, probably the most expensive thing she owned currently, underneath a ragged blue house coat that had clearly seen better days.

"Now do you feel like speaking like rational adults?" Sedusa crossed her arms and glared at the floor, she was holding the amulet now.

"What is this stupid thing? Why do you and those other guys want it?" Him quickly looked away, playing with his goatee. He glanced back at Sedusa, glad to see she hadn't noticed his hesitation.

"Oh it's nothing terribly powerful or spectacular. It's just a very useful little item," He grinned maliciously and sat down on the bed next to her, draping an arm around her shoulders. "Why...I could show you if you would just read that little word there out loud," Sedusa's hair was vibrating against his arm, it was not pleased with Him's presence. Sedusa didn't seem pleased by his affection either. Her green eyes looked furious as she turned to him.

"Get off me, now," Him smiled and complied holding up his claws defensively. Sedusa looked at the amulet again, turning it around. "I can't even read it, what language is it?" Him began to reply then stopped, pursing his lips and looking away. He glanced back and again appreciated her obliviousness.

"It's Latin...or a form of it rather, I can write how its pronounced on a piece of paper if you like," Him grinned and clasped his claws again, leaning over and looking at her face. "We'll just call this payment for my services, I fed you, so you just read this little word for me," Him conjured up a piece of paper and waved it in front of Sedusa's face. Sedusa snatched the paper and crumbled it up, throwing it across the room.

"I already gave you something, now get out of my room. I'm not doing you any favors, Fruit Cup," Him growled and clenched his claws.

"**I am not...**"He stopped and looked around at the apartment, stroking his goatee again. The demon shrugged and leered at Sedusa.

"If that's how you feel...I suppose I can wait, but do keep an eye on that. It would be terrible if those other people got it," Sedusa started to respond but when she looked up she saw that Him was gone. In his place there was a white container sitting on her stove. She blinked and approached it, looking around nervously before opening it. Her mouth started watering when she laid eyes on the demon's gift.

"He was baking cookies..." Still a little cautious, she tenderly took one out and glanced back and forth. Then daintily she took a bite and chewed, a smile slowly spreading across her lips. Oatmeal raisin cookies. "Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner!" Sedusa took the container and returned to her bed, turning on the television as she went. She finished her first cookie before looking back at the amulet. She shrugged and tossed it into the corner of her apartment and then looked back at the television.

"Ugh...just the news...guess its more Will & Grace re-runs..." Sedusa got up and turned on her VCR, laying back down and eating another cookie while humming the theme song to her favorite sitcom.


	3. Life is a Lemon and I Want My Money Back

_**Hell and a Side of Meatloaf**_

**Life is a Lemon and I Want My Money Back**

The night had been restless, Sedusa found herself waking constantly. Every time she went back to sleep, she saw the same dream waiting for her. She was once again on her motorcycle, racing away from the teal-eyed creature that had been pursuing her. Every time she skidded out of control and looked up just in time to see the assailant leaping at her. While not overtly terrifying, the image was jarring enough to keep her from getting a good night's rest. Finally, she just simply gave up and crawled out of bed.

A few tenants were stirred out of sleep when a scream came from 34C. For the most part they just rolled over and went back to sleep, used to this occurrence. Sedusa walked out of the bathroom, shivering and drying her hair furiously. As much as she hated taking cold showers, she simply couldn't start the day without washing her precious hair. She dressed quickly, throwing on a pair of tight jeans and a tight wool sweater, and resumed drying her hair. Sighing she pulled her purse out from beneath her bed and rummaged through it, dropping her head.

"Completely broke..." She looked over at the clothes basket in the corner, huffing and looking at her tiny refrigerator. She was broke, needed to do her laundry, and out of food. Not to mention her rent was late. A real winning combination for a real winner! "Guess I'll need to come up with some money," Sedusa slid on a pair of socks and shoes, pulled on a heavy brown jacket and wrapped a scarf around her neck. Flexing, she smiled as her hair rose up and stretched. Smiling she let it back down, running her hands through it until it laid out just right.

"There...that's so much better..." One more thing to do before leaving she thought as she snatched a jar of hair gel from her bathroom. It wasn't required, but definitely made things easier. Taking a generous helping, she gently ran her hands over tufts of her hair until it was successfully gelled into thick locks. She glanced in the mirror, brushing her bangs away from her face and primping her hair a little more. She cocked her head and lifted all eight locks individually. Not exactly battle ready, but it would do in a pinch. Sedusa smiled and nodded. As she turned to head for the door she remembered the amulet and turned around, spotting it lying on the floor. Frowning, she mulled it over for a moment, finally snatching the trinket and draping it around her neck.

When she reached the lobby Sedusa checked the clock. A little before noon, she was up early today. Sedusa heard someone yelling and flinched, opening the front door just enough to peak around the corner. Ms. Copular was yelling at her son, Sedusa noted with a smirk. Judging by the look on his face, he still had about an hour left at his mother's mercy before she'd even consider letting him leave. He looked over his sunglasses and spotted Sedusa, who just leered and gave him a mocking wave while slipping away. Ms. Copular's son pushed his glasses up and glared, crossing his arms. His green cheeks got a little more red.

"Poor bastard..." Sedusa muttered, keeping her head low against the cold November air. Like always the sidewalk was pretty deserted. Most normal people didn't dare walking around this side of town. Thankfully she wasn't normal and she wasn't most people. For better or worse, at least. The green-eyed thief came to a halt, narrowing her eyes and glaring drolly into the distance as she felt a wind whipping around her ankles and a shadow being cast over her.

"Good morning, Sedusa! How are you on this..." Him stopped and shivered, growling, "wretched, freezing day..." Sedusa kept her hands in her pockets, turning and throwing a dangerous glare at the lobster demon. Him was once again cocooned in jackets, scarves and wool caps. Sedusa snickered and covered her mouth, immediately forgetting that she was annoyed.

"I'm busy," She noticed a man getting off the bus out of the corner of her eye and quickly scurried away from Him, the demon staring at her with a curious look.

"Oh?" He strolled after her, watching as Sedusa intentionally bumped into the man who had just gotten off the bus. She stumbled back several steps and held up her hands apologetically. Him nearly gagged hearing the sugary sweet voice she spoke in.

"Oh my goodness! I am so, so very sorry sir! I was just in such a hurry to catch the bus! Oh I'm so sorry!" The man beamed, waving away her concerns.

"It's no trouble at all ma'am, a lovely thing like yourself shouldn't be wandering around these parts alone," Sedusa fluttered her eyelashes and smiled innocently, leaning closer to the man.

"Thank you so much, oh...oh no!" The bus had started to pull away, but the man knocked on the door and got the driver to stop. Sedusa sighed and offered the man a grateful grin. "Thank you so much again, you are such a nice man," The man blushed and gave a lame little bow as Sedusa hopped on the bus. Him was behind her in an instant, catching her wrist as she started to pay for the toll.

"Oh no, let me get that!" He chirped, opening his claw and dropping the change in. The driver rolled his eyes and jerked his thumb to the back, the villains hurrying on their way. Sedusa slid into the first empty seat, eying the catch she now had in her hand. Him sat down next to her, crossing his legs and resting his claws on his knee. His eyes fell on the object in Sedusa's hands, then quickly trailed up to her chest, where the amulet was resting.

"My, you are good at what you do," Sedusa took the bills out of the wallet, afterward dropping it on the floor and kicking it toward the front of the bus. Her face fell as she stuffed the bills into her purse.

"Just four dollars...no wonder he was riding this filthy junk heap..." The villainess leaned against the window, counting off on her fingers what she needed to do. Rent was still out of the question, but she still had groceries to get and laundry to do. "Three dollars for food...I'm going to be starving this week..." Him didn't say anything, his eyes still on the amulet around Sedusa's neck.

"So have you reconsidered?" He finally said, snickering when he caught the mystified look on Sedusa's face.

"Reconsidered what?" She looked down at the necklace and held it up, staring at the character etched on it, "This thing?" Sedusa frowned when the demon beamed and nodded excitedly, staring at her with big expectant eyes. She snorted and let the amulet drop back into place, drawing Him's attention to her chest again. "The answer is still no, I'm done with magic, it's a bunch of crock," Him frowned, glaring at her.

"You're just mad because you couldn't handle it," The bus jerked to a stop, Sedusa whipping around and glaring at Him, her eyes attempting to burn through his jacket. Really the demon just thought it was cute and couldn't help snickering again. The thief groaned and shoved him out of the way, marching off the bus and heading down the sidewalk. Him leapt off the bus just as the doors closed and hurried after her, spying their destination.

"Ooh Malph's! I shop here all the time!" Him blinked, staring at Sedusa, who was now wearing a hat...the bus driver's hat. His eye twitched as he tapped her on the shoulder and pointed at her head. "Did you...steal that?" Sedusa blinked and took the hat off her head, shrugging and throwing it into the trash can as they went inside.

"Yeah I guess, it might have been my hair," Sedusa pointed at her writhing locks as she picked up a grocery basket and started walking through the aisles, Him trailing behind. "It snatches stuff sometimes," Him blinked and cocked his head, wondering just how sentient the vixen's hair really was. She watched one lock reach out and snatch a can off the shelf, handing it to her. "Ugh...it's cheap enough I guess..." Frowning in disgust, Sedusa threw the can in her basket.

"So how did you get the wiggly hair anyway?" Him asked after walking in silence for several minutes. Sedusa was recounting her items, frowning and putting back a few.

"None of your business, Crusty," Him growled and snapped his claws, about to strike when a box caught his eye. He squealed and snatched it up, skipping up beside Sedusa and waving it in her face.

"Oh my dear you simply must buy this cake mix! It's perfect for lightening up snarky little smartmouths like you!" Sedusa sneered at the insult, but still took the box and looked it over.

"Triple Layer Devil's Food with Hot Fudge Icing and Dark Chocolate Filling? Are you trying to kill me?" Him giggled and waved his claw.

"Well you know..." Sedusa shook her head and sat the box back down.

"I can't afford this, and I don't even have an oven to cook it," Him frowned and stroked his goatee, humming in deep thought.

"Well how much do you have?" Sedusa reached into her purse and counted off her recently pilfered goods.

"Four dollars, but I need one for laundry, a discount card to Wac Arnold's—ew gross—and a pack of sugar-free gum," She took out a piece of the last one and popped it into her mouth, stuffing everything back into her purse. Him scratched his head, wondering where she had gotten the gum. He looked up at the front counter and saw packs and packs of the stuff which they had passed on entering.

"You have a problem, don't you?" Sedusa just looked back at him, then went on her way. Him tapped his lips and shrugged, following after her. "So about that amulet...maybe you could just practice saying the word?" Sedusa didn't stop while heading to check out. Him blinked, eying her purse. It looked a little heavier. He followed her out, stopping at the theft detection sensors, blinking when they didn't start blaring. He looked down and noticed a few punctures in it. Once they were back on the streets, Him applauded and giggled while Sedusa raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Him casually snatched her purse, pulling out the extra cans of food she had snatched.

"You are very, very good at what you do!" Him put his cheek on his claw and leered, "Though I do wonder if some of this was necessary. Did you really need a can of cat food?" Sedusa took the can from him, looking it over. She shrugged and threw it over her shoulder, taking her purse back from Him.

"I guess not," Him cleared his throat and started to ask about the amulet again. He whistled innocently and put his claws behind his back when Sedusa threw a venomous glare at him.

Nodding, she plopped down at the bus stop, resting her chin on her hands. Him sat down next to her, whistling and bouncing on his heels. Sedusa looked at him and he quickly stopped, putting his claws in his lap and continuing to fidget, albeit a bit quieter. The time dragged on, no sign of the bus coming. Sedusa sighed and Him blinked, glancing at her. He sighed and resumed watching the street. Him hummed, quickly glancing at Sedusa, who continued to stare at the sidewalk. He hummed a little more, watching her expression. Him sighed and stopped again, slouching. Finally after nearly twenty minutes with no sign of the bus, he stood up.

"Oh poo, we'll just do it the easy way," Snapping his claw, a red mist whipped up around Him and Sedusa. Sedusa, a little dizzy, looked around. Her mouth fell open when she saw that they were now in her apartment. She turned on Him, baring her teeth and trembling.

"Why didn't you just do that in the first place! It's freezing outside!" Him shrugged.

"I didn't think to...now will you say the word on the amulet?"Sedusa's hair had begun to whip around violently; the thief herself was hissing menacingly. Him sighed and frowned, looking away.

"I guess that's a no..." Sedusa snatched her clothes basket and stood in front of Him, her angry stare beginning to annoy the lobster-clawed devil. "What?" He asked with a shrug. Sedusa sighed and held the basket tighter.

"I need to do my laundry," Him tapped his lips, snapping his claw and beaming.

"Ooh I see, now you want my help. Well I suppose I could take you to the laundromat...but you see there is that little matter of your amulet," Sedusa's expression didn't change.

"Take me there, or I'll throw the damn thing out the window and you'll never get me to say it," Him balked, staring at the woman, his jaw hanging open. He pointed a claw at her, narrowing one eye.

"You...are threatening me?" Sedusa's expression didn't change, "Do you have any idea who I am? I am the evilest of evil! The cruelest of cruel! **I am HIM!**" He grew a few more feet, towering over Sedusa with fire all around him, his booming voice rattling her cheap apartment. Sedusa's expression didn't change. Him returned to his original height and sighed, twirling his claw. "Oh alright, just this once," The red mist whipped up around the two and transported them once more, this time to the laundromat.

Sedusa huffed off to begin doing her laundry while Him crossed his arms and glared at her retreating figure. Her softly swinging long black hair, hair that occasionally twitched on its own accord, her swaying hips bouncing back and forth with practiced provocation. Him blinked and realized how warm he was. With a flip of his claw he was once again in his usual attire. He sauntered up to Sedusa, watching her throw her clothes almost angrily into the washer, turning it on and sitting down, staring at the window on the washing machine. Him walked up behind her, leaning over and watching with her.

"Will you say it now?"

"No"

* * *

"No! No, no. no! Simply no! That is not true at all!" Him screeched, standing with his hands on his hips. Sedusa sighed from where she was leaning against the drier. Her hair snapped out at the demon when he tried to thrust a claw in her face.

"It is so! You just don't want to admit it!" Him crossed his arms and snorted, looking away. He started to speak then quit and shook his head. Finally he growled and stomped his foot.

"The series finale of Will & Grace was terrible! Will and Grace should have ended up together," Him sniffled and wiped a tear away. Sedusa groaned and shook her head, tugging at her hair.

"No, no, no! It ended perfectly! Their kids are getting married! That's just perfect!" Him mockingly opened and closed his claw, stopping only when he noticed Sedusa glaring. He sat down with a huff and puffed up his cheeks, staring at the doorway. Sedusa crossed her arms and looked away, her normally pale cheeks red with emotion. The silence was broken by the ding of the drier.

"Are you done now?" Him asked in a low growl, refusing to look at the thief. Sedusa stuffed her clothes back into her basket and stood up straight, also refusing to look at the demon.

"Yeah...I'm done," Him nodded and in a whisk of smoke they were gone, back to Sedusa's apartment. The vixen immediately went to work, folding and putting away her clothes while Him stood in the kitchen, leaning on the counter and watching her. Him moved out of the way as Sedusa pried open a can with one of the glass cutting claws she used on the job. She then unceremoniously dumped the contents into a pot and left it to boil on the stove. Him peered over at the canned soup, nearly gagging when he sniffed it. The demon backed up, his face green and a claw over his mouth.

"How in the world can you eat this...garbage?!" Sedusa frowned, looking through her magazine and wishing she was motivated enough to go out and steal a few of the products advertised inside.

"Oh I don't know, I just have so much money to throw around, I like to stay down to Earth by eating cheap, condensed soup," Sedusa glared and closed her magazine, throwing it down. Him shook the pot a bit, taking another sniff and gagging again. He turned to Sedusa and opened his mouth.

"No I'm not saying it," Him promptly closed his mouth and pouted.

"Oh fine be that way...I'll just take my leave then," In a puff of red smoke, the demon was gone. Sedusa watched the fuzzy picture on her television, rolling her eyes at the newscaster proclaiming the Powerpuff Girls victorious over another random monster. The thief got up and went over to stir her soup. She looked around then leaned in and sniffed. Her face turned green and one hand shot up covering her mouth as she backed away. She almost wanted to strike the pot with her hair...almost.

"How in the world do I eat this garbage?" Gagging again she started looking for a bowl and spoon...and some antacids.

* * *

Him sighed contentedly and stretched, sinking deeper into the foaming pink bubbles all around him. If anything made the winter season worth it, it was the lavishing feeling of relaxing in a scalding hot bubble bath. He scooped up his long-time companion, his rubber ducky Mr. Quackers.

"Mr. Quackers, it has been a very strange day, I'm so sorry I've been neglecting you," He squeezed the rubber ducky and giggled, twirling his claw, "Oh thank you! Well you see there's this woman," He squeezed the rubber duck again and glared at it,"Of course not! You think just like she does," Him pouted and sighed, squeezing his wash rag and letting the water run down his face. He squeezed the ducky again.

"Well you see I happened to see her being chased by one of them," He squeezed the duck and nodded, sighing, "Oh I know, but don't you worry! It was in Citysville, no danger yet!" Mr. Quackers squeaked again, making the devil giggle and nod, touching his nose to the duck's. "How kind of you Mr. Quackers! Hm...well you see they were chasing her because she happened to find...it," He quickly squeezed the duck, nodding frantically and speaking in a low whisper.

"Oh I know Mr. Quackers, I thought the same thing!" Him looked around, then pulled Mr. Quackers close and spoke in a very low whisper. "I just can't get her to say it! She's being so frustrating!" Him slapped the water and laid back, staring up at the ceiling. Mr. Quackers squeaked back. Him held him up lazily and gave the toy an incredulous look.

"No...I just figured if I asked enough she'd do it, I even wrote the command down for her," Him nodded when the duck squeaked again. He played with his soggy goatee, picking it up and letting it fall back down.

"That might be the way to do it...oh Mr. Quackers what would I do without you?" The duck squeaked and Him glared, dunking the duck under the water and crossing his arms. "You are so melodramatic!" The duck floated up to the surface, bobbing in the scalding hot water while the demon sang to himself, enjoying his bath once again.


	4. IV

_**Hell and a Side of Meatloaf**_

That next morning, Sedusa awoke to a drastically unfamiliar and very irritating sound. The buzzing of an alarm clock. Weary green eyes forced themselves open, glaring into the darkness, spotting an unfamiliar red glow. Sedusa pushed up on her elbow and stared sleepily at the brand new alarm clock now lying on the floor next to her, buzzing obnoxiously. She narrowed one eye and picked it up, growing when she saw that it said it was just half past six.

"I am not getting up this early," Questioning how the alarm clock got there was something that would have to wait until at least noon, she was jobless and wasn't in school. There was just no reason to wake up that early. Sedusa turned off the alarm and threw the clock down, rolling over and trying to go back to sleep. She flinched and growled low when it began to buzz again instantly.

"Ugh...shut up already!" A lock of Sedusa's hair lashed out, smashing the alarm clock over and over until it finally stopped buzzing. Sighing contentedly she snuggled back under her blankets. The villainess screamed and her eyes bulged when the alarm clock began to buzz again.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Sedusa lashed out over and over again, her hair crashing into the remnants of the alarm clock and smashing it into more and more pieces. She breathed heavily, staring at the now silent mess on her floor. It started to buzz and she growled loudly, the buzz ceasing mid-sound. Sedusa nodded and rolled back over. The alarm clock started buzzing again. Sedusa sat up, holding her head and mock crying.

"Just stop...I'm up already...I'm up, stop it, stop it..." The alarm stopped. Looking up, Sedusa almost started crying when she saw that the clock was completely repaired, back where it had started. Only one minute had passed since it first woke her. Sighing heavily, she realized just where it must have come from.

"I'm never going to read this stupid thing now..." Sedusa glared at the amulet lying next to her bed and rolled her eyes, throwing her sheets back and getting up, stretching. Apparently someone wanted her to wake up. That someone was in for a world of hurt when she saw him. Sedusa threw off her nightgown and undergarments, staring at the shower with frigid disdain. Every morning it was the same thing.

"What I wouldn't do for a nice, hot shower..." Sedusa winced and started the water, cranking up the hot nozzle and stepping back, taking a few deep breaths and cherishing her last moments of relative warmth. She stepped in, and screamed like every morning. Unlike every morning, she screamed because she was almost instantly scalded. The thief threw the cold water as fast as she good, sighing, moaning when the water hit the just right temperature. Steam filled the bathroom while Sedusa enjoyed the first hot shower she'd had in months.

Unfortunately, too soon she had to get out, drying slowly and humming cheerily. Sedusa looked down at the clock, it was just about ten minutes until seven now. She blinked, kneeling down and plucking off the note that had been taped to the clock.

"This wasn't there before..." She narrowed her eyes and looked it over, almost expecting to see a punchline written somewhere on it, "Where is it boiling and freezing at the same time?" Sedusa growled and crumpled up the paper, throwing it over her shoulder and continuing her morning preparations. The alarm clock began to buzz, louder and louder with every second she ignored it.

"Oh for the love of..." Sedusa pulled at her hair a little, glaring at the clock. Another note, sporting the same message, had been taped to it again, "Alright already! I'll figure it out!" The clock stopped buzzing and Sedusa, her good mood long gone, grumbled her way through dressing for the day.

* * *

After nearly two hours, Sedusa had finally managed to get someone to help her figure out the riddle. Now she stood just outside the Otto Time Diner, furious, cold, and ready to absolute throttle the demon the instant she saw him. Sedusa noticed that the diner wasn't open yet, despite it being nine o'clock. Peering inside, the store was dark, no sign of life whatsoever. Sedusa shrieked and stood up straight, blushing bright when she felt someone clear his throat behind her.

"My, my, you're a little late dear, I had to postpone opening!" Sedusa watched Him's claw go by, unlock the door and usher her inside. He twirled his claw and the lights came on. Sedusa stood awkwardly in the middle of the diner, eyes drifting aimlessly.

"What did you want?" She narrowed her eyes and put her hands on her hips, "And what the hell was with that clock?" Him grinned and spun around, waving his claw.

"Oh I figured you'd be just a pill to wake up! So I made that little beauty just for you!" Sedusa rolled her eyes, blinking when she noticed him gesturing for her to come up to the counter.

"What?" She sat down on one of the stools, looking around awkwardly still. The restaurant was surprisingly clean for being owned by a demon. And surprisingly down-to-earth considering the flamboyant owner. Him cleared his throat and leaned on the counter.

"So I've noticed money has been so very tight for you darling," Sedusa scowled, but nodded and looked away, rubbing her arm sheepishly.

"I'm between jobs...I can handle it, things have been worse," Sedusa blinked seeing the devil set an application in front of her. She picked it up and looked it over carefully. "What in the world is this?" Him coughed and twirled his claw around, stalling for time.

"Oh well...you see I just figured...since you needed the money and I needed a lovely waitress, I'd offer you a position," Sedusa cringed and dropped the application as if it were searing hot. She got up and took several steps back, staring at Him incredulously.

"You want me to be a what?!" Him coughed again, shrugging and leaning on the counter casually.

"A waitress, I promise the pay will be...handsome compared to what you're making now," He cast a goblin's grin her way, causing Sedusa's cheeks to heat up in humiliation. Sedusa crossed her arms and looked down, tapping her foot. She looked back up, walking forward and snatching the application again. As she read it over, she felt a building sense of horror.

"...I..." Sedusa bit her lip and leaned on the counter. Working for a supervillain would at least give her some leeway if she decided to go back to stealing. And Him more than likely wouldn't rat her out for it either. "What's the pay?" Him shrugged and draped a claw around Sedusa's shoulder.

"Why don't we step into my office and discuss that...and your uniform, hmmm?" Sedusa flinched and looked at Him as they walked to his office in the back.

"Uniform?"

* * *

"Come out I want to see you!"

"I think it's a little big, do you have a size smaller?"

"You're so picky...there is that better?"

"...You know, this is actually kind of cute,"

"Come out already! Let me see!" Him beamed, sitting at one of the tables in the diner. He heard the bathroom door open and Sedusa walk out. The demon opened his eyes casually, doing a double-take when he saw the seductress. Her hair was a little less wild, still gelled into long, thick locks, but laying down somewhat obediently. The uniform was bright red, modeled after Him's own outfit, and very form-fitting. The top was sleeveless with fuzzy black rings around her arms, with a matching feathery black trim around the low-cut collar. The skirt came down about four inches above her knees, with a similar feathery black trim at the end. She wore black knee-high boots, thin black gloves, a black belt similar to Him's, and a feathery black choker to complete the look.

Sedusa struck a pose, eyes half closed and a sultry smile on her lips.

"Well, Fruit Cup...how do I look?" Him stared in slack-jawed awe. He quickly closed his mouth and blinked, feeling his already red face heating up.

"What was that?" Sedusa sauntered over to him and lightly caressed his cheek. The demon shuddered, quickly averting his eyes.

"I'll take that as a thumbs up," Him licked his lips, watching Sedusa walk back to the counter. He hadn't expected the outfit to look so...so downright...seductive...Him rubbed his head and took several deep breaths. Sedusa had already been oriented with the diner, she'd been shockingly quick at learning the ropes. Him gulped and flipped his claw, his apron and chef's hat appearing.

"We-well then! Time to get started!" Him cleared his throat and straighted up, walking back to the kitchen. Sedusa was seated behind the cash register, reading a magazine she'd snatched while trying to solve Him's riddle. She looked up, watching the door unlock itself, all the lights flip on, and the "Yes, We're Closed" sign flip over to "Sorry, We're Open." Sedusa rolled her eyes, smirking when she heard Him giggle in the kitchen.

"That joke isn't funny," She yelled back through the window. Him shrugged, getting his kitchen ready for the day's business.

"I respectfully disagree," Sedusa rolled her eyes and went back to reading her magazine. The diner across the street from them had been packed, they probably wouldn't get any business and she'd get a free paycheck. Him cleared his throat, leaning out the window and gesturing her closer. Sedusa sighed and set her magazine down, flinching as the bell above the door rang and their first customers walked in, a family of three. Him held his claw over his mouth, whispering to Sedusa.

"Remember dear! You'll get most of your pay from tips, try to be nice!" Sedusa smirked, as she picked up three menus and began to approach the family. Him put his claw down, watching her sway her hips a little more, the way she put on a sugary smile, her eye lashes fluttering. Him gulped and ducked back into the kitchen. Sedusa flashed the husband a winning smile as she sat them down, handing them their menus.

"Hello everyone! My name is...Abby, and I'll be your waitress today. Now what can I get everyone to drink?" She focused most of her attention on the husband, occasionally casting a sweet smile at the boy, or a curt smile at the wife. The husband blushed and laughed sheepishly, scratching his head.

"Oh...um...well..." The wife narrowed her eyes and gave Sedusa a clipped smile.

"We'll just have water, thank you," Sedusa leered at the woman, still keeping her sweet smile in place as she sauntered away to get the drinks. She glanced back, noticing that the husband's eyes were following her. She grinned and walked by the kitchen and peered in, watching Him go through all the complexities of kitchen work. She had to pause and wonder why he didn't just use magic for everything. Sedusa shrugged and took the drinks back to the family, grinning when she saw the husband and wife having a whispered, heated argument already. They both quickly put on forced smiles as Sedusa set their glasses down, the husband blushing and sweating. Sedusa winked at him and stood up straight, sensually licking her finger before flicking to the next check—for no reason—on her order pad.

"What can I get you folks?" The husband laughed nervously, glancing across at his now openly glaring wife. The little boy sighed and looked up at Sedusa, who just winked and waved at him cheerfully. Now the little boy joined his dad, blushing and sweating. In the kitchen, Him leaned on the window and watched Sedusa shift from one foot to the other. He swallowed heavily and pulled at his collar, his eyes always drawn to her deliciously firm backside.

"Oh dear...the poor man hasn't a chance," Him spun around, picking up and taking a long drink from the pot of water he had been boiling. The demon wiped his forehead and gulped, pacing the kitchen. He found himself back at the window, just barely peeking out and watching his new employee. In hindsight...he might have gone a little too far with her outfit. Him saw her turning and coming his way. The villain yelped and rushed back to the stove, testing the temperature of his boiling water. Sedusa rang the bell in the window and passed the check his way.

"Two Forbidden Fruit Specials and a Kids Lunch, Him," Sedusa blinked and leaned in the window. Outside the husband's jaw nearly dropped watching the voluptuous waitress leaning over the window, lightly kicking her leg. His wife kicked him hard under the table, and their argument took off again. Sedusa cocked her head, watching the demon sweat and try to keep his eyes on the water. She slowly smirked and tapped the window.

"Oh boss...you've got an order," She whispered, speaking in a husky voice. Him jumped and looked up, like a deer in headlights or a kid with their hand in the cookie jar. He took a deep breath and did a full 360, returning to his regular demeanor.

"How lovely!" He snatched the order card and quickly went to work on it, "Oh I do hope we have just a gloriously busy day! How is it going so far?" Sedusa smirked and rested her cheek on her hand.

"Not bad, not bad at all," Him chuckled nervously, wishing Sedusa would stop watching him cook. He had so many naughty thoughts pervading his usually carefree mind. Sedusa grinned, pulling out of the window and returning to her magazine. The door opened and she looked up with an overly sweet smile. Maybe this job wouldn't be so bad after all.

* * *

Sedusa hummed cheerfully as she counted her tips for the day, beaming when her apartment came into view. Him had been nice enough to pay her bus fare again, and compensate for the money she spent trying to solve his riddle that morning. It was...shockingly nice of the lobster. Then again, Sedusa thought with a grin, clearly the demon himself wasn't entirely immune to her spell. Sedusa swung the bag he'd lent her to carry her new uniform. It was cute, if a little over the top...but damn did it make her feel sexy.

"And finally at long last I'll have that bitch off my back!" Sedusa cheerfully waved the wad of cash she'd made, all tip money. Now she could finally pay her rent, even throw in an extra five bucks as interest. Things were looking so, so up now. Sedusa actually waved at Ms. Copular's son as she skipped up the steps, throwing open the door with a slight flourish. For once, she didn't cower when she saw Ms. Copular approaching her.

"Hey, Lady, you look like you just screwed the golden goose, you got my money? I ain't given you no more extends on it," Sedusa beamed and slapped the money down in front of the bitter old woman, hands on her swaying hips as she marched up the stairs.

"There you are ma'am! Paid in full with interest!" Ms. Copular counted the stack and glared at Sedusa, grabbing the seductress and jerking her back down the stairs. Sedusa whipped around, her hair starting to come to life, but quickly fell back into an apologetic smile, hands up defensively. "Is...is something wrong, Ms. Copular?" The old woman stuffed the money in her back pocket, crossing her arms.

"You're short, you owe interest on your interest from the last two months, this ain't even half what you owe me," Sedusa's face fell, her eyes wide with disbelief.

"You've gotta be kidding me! I..." She stopped and settled down, running her hands through her hair, keeping it from striking the bitter woman. "I uh...we-well th-then I'll have that money for you soon...I promise ma'am, I had no idea..." Ms. Copular glared, but nodded and stalked off, leaving Sedusa behind. The green-eyed thief walked up the stairs in a trance, running her hands through her hair over and over and over again. Once she was home and on her bed she screamed, and screamed, and screamed, and screamed...

* * *

"Morning Him," Him beamed and came out of the kitchen. Sedusa was right on time, bright and early at half passed six. He paused and blushed, watching her set down her purse behind the counter, draping her jacket over the chair she'd taken as her own the day before. Him cleared his throat and looked away, claws behind his back, and whistled tunelessly. He trailed off while glancing back at Sedusa.

"So...you've worn your uniform to work, no change of clothes?" Sedusa shook her head, sitting down in her chair, leaning back and leafing through a magazine. Dated yesterday, Him noted, probably something she snatched up on the way to work.

"No, despite how terribly decorated your house is, your fashion sense is pretty spot on. You're a little gayer than I had originally thought," Him made a note to get angry later, currently he was busy tugging at his collar and wiping the sweat from his brow. Sedusa sat with her legs propped up on the counter, offering the devil a grand view up her skirt. Obviously her tight money situation hadn't affected her taste for sexy lingerie. Him cocked his head to get a better look.

"So how busy is it in the mornings anyway?" Sedusa licked her thumb and flipped to a new page, "Him, how busy is breakfast?" She glanced up, rolling her eyes when she caught him red-clawed staring at her panties. While modesty might say she get angry...Sedusa couldn't help smirking victoriously. She adjusted, crossing one leg over the other and snickered at the wide-eyed look that crossed Him's face. Then, without warning, she dropped back down, stomping her feet heavily. Him jumped and stood up straight, panting and sweating.

"What? What is it? What happened?" Sedusa smirked and rested her chin on her hand.

"Him...I was just wondering how busy you are for breakfast," Him blinked several times quickly. His claw came up to his lips, tapping them nervously.

"Hm? Oh...oh! The breakfast rush! It's nothing you can't handle, you were an absolute professional yesterday!" Sedusa giggled and stood up, picking up her order pad as the bell rang over the door.

"I've done enough role-playing to know how to be a naughty waitress," Him swallowed heavily and watched her force a seductive smile at their first customer, a young man who turned into a sweating, blushing mess the minute he laid eyes on the waitress. Him stared shamelessly while Sedusa led the man to his table. He winced when Sedusa gently stroked the man's shoulder, setting his menu down, leaning across the table to set down the salt and pepper shakers, the young man's nose right in her chest. Him tugged at his collar again and quickly retreated to the kitchen as more and more customers started coming in.

In the kitchen, things were already set out, the stove set to the perfect temperature, everything was absolutely fabulous, just waiting for the orders to pour in. Him sat in the back, by the sink, where his longtime friend and confidante, Mr. Quackers, was waiting for him. The demon picked up the little rubber ducky, glancing at the window between the front cash and kitchen.

"Oh Mr. Quackers, what have I done? That outfit is simply...simply...oh! And she is just so...oh my what have I done?! No, no, no this won't do!" Him slicked his hair back, squeezing his little rubber friend, "Why of course I knew that! Why else would her name be Sedusa? Oh but I didn't expect this to happen! I just hoped she'd bring in more customers!" Mr. Quackers squeaked back. Him pouted and slouched in his seat.

"Well I know I don't need the money...but I love this job! It's the perfect way to pass the time between evil schemes!" Mr. Quackers squeaked in response. Him sighed and rested his cheek on his claw. "Well yes..." Squeak, "Yes..." Squeak, "Of course, but she has that amulet, I can't fire her! Then she'll never say that stupid word!" He squeezed Mr. Quackers hard, resulting in a long, low squeak. Him sighed and lowered his head.

"You're right, just gotta remember this is for all the marbles," Him grinned maliciously and cocked his head, playing with his beard, "And who knows? Perhaps after we get her to say that little word we could..." Mr. Quackers squeaked, loud and high-pitched, "Oh, Mr. Quackers! You're so naughty!" Him jumped up, beaming as his waitress rang the bell several times.

"Lots of orders Him! Hurry up!" Him set Mr. Quackers down, skipping back to the front.

"Coming! Coming!" He stared at Sedusa as she went to go seat another customer. The demon cocked his head, watching her swaying backside again. He blushed again, snatching the orders up and busying himself with filling them...even if he occasionally peaked out to watch Sedusa. Sedusa froze in her tracks as she turned to greet the new customers. She quickly spun back around, staring at the wall, blushing furiously and clenching her fists. She took a deep breath and waved her hand.

"Please seat yourself right over there," She pointed to an empty booth in the corner, "and I'll be with you in one moment!" Sedusa watched them take their seats as subtly as she could manage. She picked up four menus, blushing more and more as she prepared to tend to them.

"This is the most humiliating thing since my Junior Prom..." Sedusa took a deep breath and crept up to the newcomers as quietly as she possibly could, gulping and putting on the brightest smile she would. "Good Morning and welcome to the Otto Time Diner, m-my name is Abby and I'll be taking care of you this morning!" Sedusa blushed even more, keeping her eyes clenched tightly shut, when she heard a little gasp.

"Oh my gosh! Sedusa?" She opened her eyes, one eye twitching, and continued to smile with a sick mixture of sweetness and embarrassment at the Powerpuff Girls and their father, Professor Utonium. The good Professor blushed and began sweating seeing Sedusa's uniform and looked away, playing with the salt shaker. Bubbles was sitting next to him, hands over her mouth as she stared at the shapely con-turned-waitress. Across from them were Blossom and Buttercup, the former confused while the latter tried to keep from laughing.

"Sedusa? What in the world are you doing here?" Sedusa's eye twitched and her hair instinctively started to flex. She set the four menus down, blushing furiously and averting her eyes.

"I...am your waitress...today...please...take your time...ordering..." Blossom blinked and looked down at the menu curiously.

"Don't we get drinks first?" Sedusa winced and laughed sheepishly.

"Oh right! Right, drinks...w-what can I get for you?" Buttercup, snickering, turned over to the back of the menu looking at the drinks.

"Uh...whatcha got?" She managed to get out between laughs. Blossom glared and elbowed her in the side, though Sedusa could see the corners of Blossom's mouth twitching. She noticed that Professor Utonium was intensely studying his menu, blushing and sweating, while Bubbles was still looking at Sedusa. Sedusa hissed quietly and forced back on a sweet smile.

"Well um...the fountain uh...drinks are listed there, but we've also got milk, juice...water...I doubt you'd need the liquor menu," She trailed off at the end, looking away with a droll expression. That would be something to see. Drunkenpuff Girls...she might have to ask Him to spike their chocolate milks or something. Buttercup shrugged and slouched in her seat. She jumped upright when Blossom jabbed her in the ribs, glaring at her sister.

"What kind of juice?" Sedusa rolled her eyes and looked away, twirling a lock of her hair.

"Apple, grape, orange, cranberry..." Blossom tapped her lip.

"Is the juice one hundred percent juice or is it from concentrate?" Sedusa sighed and continued playing with her hair, tapping her order pad on her thigh.

"Um...I'm pretty sure it's a hundred percent juice," Buttercup smirked and flipped her menu over again.

"What about the milk? Where's it from?" Sedusa bit her tongue, now tapping her foot.

"I don't know...wherever Him shops I guess, he might have just magicked it up," Blossom frowned.

"Were the animals treated and fed well? Or would there be any pesticides in the milk?" Buttercup jabbed Blossom in the side, a shocked look on her face.

"Hey what about the juice! There might be bug killer in the juice too!" Bubbles and Blossom both stuck out their tongues.

"Ew...gross," Blossom muttered. Bubbles now looked distressed, looking up at Sedusa with big watery eyes.

"Ms. Sedusa, you didn't hurt any cows to get your milk did you?" Sedusa grit her teeth, her hair writhing, one lock snapping like a whip.

"I. Don't. Know. I'll...make...sure there's nothing...wrong..." Bubbles smiled politely while Blossom put her hand to her mouth, glancing at Sedusa.

"Sedusa, is the water tap water?" The family of four was unfazed when a lock of Sedusa's hair lashed out, smashing a glass on another table. She glared at the Powerpuff Girls, growling audibly.

"I'm sure...if that's a problem...we can...take care of it.." Blossom and Buttercup traded a look, the latter shrugging, then all three looked up at Sedusa, beaming.

"We'll just have orange juice, please!" Sedusa glared at them, her hair whipping violently. She turned to the Professor who swallowed and held up his hands defensively.

"J-Just coffee m-ma'am..." Sedusa narrowed her eyes, growling and speaking between clenched teeth.

"How do you want...that coffee...sir..." The Professor swallowed again, sweating and sliding closer to Bubbles.

"Um...cream...with two sugars..." Sedusa spun around, stomping away with her hair snapping furiously. She froze in her tracks, her whole body trembling when she heard Blossom and Buttercup burst into giggles. A lock of her hair lashed out, smashing a salt shaker on a nearby table.

* * *

The rest of the week moved on far better. The Professor had apologized for the girls' teasing by way of a rather generous tip. Soon enough Saturday, payday, had arrived. The diner had closed for the day, sharply at three in the afternoon. Sedusa was lounging at the counter, adding up her tips for the day, and looking over the pilfered goods she'd snatched from a few of the customers who had come in. Him came out from the now, magically, clean kitchen, claws behind his back. He sighed and tutted while waving his claw.

"Dear, are you still stealing from customers? If I start getting complaints I may just have to fire you!" He trailed off in a sing-song tone, making Sedusa giggle.

"I doubt you'd do that..." Sedusa turned over the engagement ring she now wore, eying it closely, "Someone was a little cheap...this isn't even worth a thousand..." Sedusa sighed and dropped it back in her purse, where it joined a baseball cap, a comb, a little girl's hair scrunchy, a few of those popular colored bracelets, a cell phone carrier, a retainer, and about twenty pencils. Him sighed and shook his head, chuckling.

"Honey, you have a problem," Sedusa just shrugged, slamming the cash register closed and pulling on her jacket.

"If you're done I am, I'll see you tomorrow," Him held out an envelope, halting the thief's departure. Sedusa took the envelop and opened it up, pulling out the check inside. "My paycheck?" Him beamed and shrugged.

"Well it's not much, but I figure as much as you're making in tips, you weren't exactly hurting," Sedusa whistled at the amount. Not the most money she'd ever made, but definitely the most that didn't involve stealing.

"Thanks, Him...hey what's this say..." After "Pay to the Order of" there was a word written that definitely wasn't Sedusa's name. The thief played with her amulet as she tried to read the word. The moment she started to say it, the amulet began to rumble. Her breath caught in her throat and Sedusa turned a fiery eyed glare on the demon.

"That's the word isn't it? This was just some big scam to get me to use your fucking amulet!" Him took a step back, holding up his claws.

"No! I really did need the help around here! I just...thought maybe you were more in the mood to..." Sedusa shook her head, stuffing the check angrily in her purse. She marched up to Him, standing on her tip toes to get as in his face as possible. Her hair was rigid and ready to strike.

"I told you before, I am through with magic! I don't want anything to do with it! I don't want to use it ever again! I am never saying your damned magic word!" Sedusa spun on her heel and stomped toward the exit, shuddering violently and flinching away from cold air. The first snow fall of the year. Him frowned and held up his claws.

"I...I could take you home!" Sedusa threw a rude gesture his way as she marched out into the cold, quickly buttoning up her jacket and stuffing her hands in her pockets. Him watched her leave with a frown, sighing and slowly lifting up Mr. Quackers.

"That didn't go so well huh? My oh my...this woman is such a piece of work..." The rubber ducky squeaked in response and the demon blushed fiercely. "I didn't mean it like that, you naughty little thing!"

* * *

The trek home was never a short one, though recently it had felt shorter because she had been in such better spirits. Now it felt as long as it really was. Sedusa glared at the snow, clenching her fists tightly.

"That prick...I have told him so many times, I'm not saying it! I don't care if he gave me a job, or fixed my shower, made me cookies, got me a clock, or gave me a damn sexy outfit! I'm not saying it!" As she went down the list Sedusa's anger started to fade a little. He wasn't nearly as terrible as she was making him out to be. In fact, even if it was just because he was lusting after her like a horny school boy, the demon did have his sweet moments.

"Damn it's cold..." Sedusa blew into her hands, regretting it the moment the wind hit them. She quickly stuffed them back in their warm, safe pockets. Her hair was hanging limp, the cold did a terrible number on it without the correct preparations.

"Have you seen this woman? She stole something and I want it back," Sedusa instinctively ducked out of sight, peering out from the dumpster she hid behind. There was a man, maybe a couple inches taller than her, with shaggy, spiky black hair speaking to some chump at a stop light. The man was thin, not terribly broad-shouldered. He wore a tight gray sweater vest with a very tight black, long sleeved shirt beneath it, gray wool gloves, long, tight black pants and high topped gray running shoes. He looked somewhat familiar, Sedusa thought—her sudden shudder had to do with more than just the cold.

"No sir, haven't seen her before...maybe on TV a few times, but not in ages," The man nodded and turned, looking down the sidewalk right passed Sedusa. Now the villainess knew where she had seen him before. The man had piercing teal eyes. Sedusa stood up and slipped away, taking the longer route home. They were still after her, those creeps still wanted the amulet back.

Sedusa walked as quickly as she could towards her home, sweet, home. All the while, she held the amulet, staring at it intensely. She continued to stare at it long after she had got back to her room, sliding off her boots and sitting on her bed.

"What the Hell is this thing?" She looked down at her newly acquired alarm clock, then at the empty white container on her stove, finally at her recently fixed shower. Someone knew what it was...someone wanted her to use it.

Someone had a lot of explaining to do.


	5. Out of the Frying Pan

_**Hell and a Side of Meatloaf**_

**Out of the Frying Pan (And Into the Fire)**

Twenty after six on Sunday morning, Him sat at the counter of the Otto Time Diner with his head resting on one claw, watching the door longingly. The feeling wracking his manly physique was so foreign and unfamiliar that he almost couldn't believe he felt in such a way. Every morning from the day he'd hired Sedusa, last Tuesday, he reminded himself, he had shown up nearly an hour early just to wait for her to arrive. If he were thinking clearly, he'd be disgusted by how absolutely needy he was acting. Since thinking clearly had become exponentially more difficult, he opted to just sigh and adjust how he was sitting.

"Somehow I doubt she's coming..." Him rocked the rubber duck sitting on the counter, sighing again and looking up at the clock. She was five minutes late, she wasn't coming. Him took a deep breath and slouched as he slowly let it out, his claws nearly touching the floor, his chin resting on the counter. He closed his eyes and prepared to just whisk himself back to his home to come up with a new plan to screw with the Powerpuff Girls. Before he could lift his claw, he heard a ding as the door opened. Him shot up, his eyes wide and a broad smile plastered on his face.

"Good morning! I thought you weren't going to show today!" Him tutted and waved his claw, smirking at his employee as she dumped her purse under the counter and took off her jacket, "Showing up late already? My, my, I may have to reprimand you," Sedusa sat down and Him noticed that she wasn't sporting a new magazine—she stole one to read every morning. She was also playing with her amulet. Him snapped his claw, stirring her out of the trance she'd seemed to be in.

"Hm? What's wrong, Him?" Him shrugged and pointed at her, raising an eyebrow.

"I was just asking you the same thing, you're very out of it today, Sedusa," Sedusa blinked, her eyes drifting back to the amulet. She shrugged listlessly and sighed, letting the trinket fall back to her chest.

"What is this thing?" Him blinked and turned away, pursing his lips. He glanced back, wincing. This time, Sedusa was watching him carefully. Good liar as he was, his lust-induced head fuzz along with Sedusa's piercing stare prevented him from coming up with something believable. She had crossed her legs again, her skirt riding up almost enough. Sedusa snapped her fingers.

"I'm up here, what is this thing? I want answers now," Him flushed and flapped his claws, putting on an obviously fake smile.

"Oh I've told you, it's nothing, Sweetie," Sedusa adjusted her legs again, her skirt riding up more. Him swallowed hard, breaking out into a cold sweat. Sedusa gently, but firmly, gripped his boa, pulling him close, until her lips were touching his ear.

"You're lying...now tell me the truth," Him jerked away, standing up straight and tapping his claws together. Sedusa took a deep breath, leaning in close and allowing him a good hard look at her chest. Had the uniform gotten smaller? He couldn't remember if it would shrink when washed, or if he had made it smaller himself. Him leaned on the counter, quickly forcing back his nonchalant demeanor.

"Abby it's nothing for you to trouble yourself with! Why it is completely meaningless to..." Him trailed off, nearly choking on his tongue. Sedusa, her cheek resting on one hand, continued to gently stroke his arm.

"Him...you're still lying," Him took in a gulp of air and puffed out his cheeks. He vanished in a flash of smoke, the lights all flipping on and the sign on the door flipping to open. Sedusa glanced back into the kitchen, frowning at her boss. Clearly he wasn't going to make this easy.

* * *

To Him, the morning carried on like a terrible nightmare. Sedusa was doing everything in her power to try to seduce and frustrate the demon into revealing the secret of the amulet. He spent any and all free time he had at the back sink, not even daring to glance at the order window. Still...he found himself looking out, watching Sedusa play her usual role. Customers would come in, she'd play the coy, innocent, overly sweet and terribly sensual waitress, the wives and girlfriends would get angry, but the husbands and boyfriends would always leave more than generous tips...along with the occasional phone number. Except this time, she made sure Him knew she was aware of his peeping. More than once she'd purposely drop her pen or her order pad, just to bend over and give him a glorious view.

"She'd better behave herself! If she's not careful, I just may have to take her seriously!" Him crossed his arms, glaring at the storage closet. How someone would think it a good idea to tempt the devil himself was simply beyond his understanding. Why if he really, truly wanted her, he could just walk out into the dining room and have his way with her on the counter. Onlookers or no, this was his diner and his city! He wasn't about to have some...some whore ordering him around. And yet...

"Dear...I'm in such a pickle...oh how I would just love to bend her over backward and just..." He trailed off, tilting his head and imaging the scene. It was positively delightful! He sighed and hit his claw against the sink, leaving behind a dent. "But no...then that removes all hope of her using that stupid amulet...or maybe she'd be willing to use it!" Him started to get excited, but his jubilation faded. She had said before she would never say it...and she was too smart for him to just trick her into saying it.

"Hm...I could tell her it's my name so that when we're writhing in unholy ecstasy..." He started to get excited again, but just as quickly deflated. He couldn't do that. Oh he could and no one on Earth could stop him, but he didn't want to do that. Well he did, he very much wanted to just turn her around and...but again that ran into the problem of her being somewhat intelligent. She'd seen the word, she'd probably figure out his ploy if he told her it was his name.

"Not that I can say it anyway..." Him started to say the blasted word, but his tongue just couldn't put the sounds together. Another ridiculous rule to ensure no demon could use the accursed amulet. Him looked up, hearing Sedusa ringing the bell furiously.

"Him I'm getting slammed out here! Come back to the kitchen!" Him stood up, tightening his apron. Maybe telling her would be the best course of action. She might sympathize...or at least be glad to get rid of him.

* * *

Like every day, the Otto Time Diner closed at three p.m. on the nose. Sedusa sat back at her seat, smiling brightly and happily eating the plate of pancakes the demon had provided her. Him was seated at a table, doing some paperwork regarding the diner or something. Sedusa really hadn't been paying attention when he explained it. If she had looked closer, she'd notice that all Him was actually doing was a crossword puzzle.

"These are amazing, no wonder people pay that outrageous price for them," Him beamed and waved his claw.

"You're just saying that because I gave it to you for free," Sedusa, eyes closed and a blissful look spread 'cross her face, cheerfully took another bite.

"No way, Boss, these are fantastic," Sedusa cringed and glared at her plate when she heard metal hitting metal. She had finished already. Sighing, she sat down her plate. Him waved his claw, making the plate disappear in a puff of smoke. Sedusa stretched and crossed her arms, watching Him work.

"Are you almost done?" Him tapped his lip with his pencil, dropping it and pushing the paper away.

"All done!" The last answer had been a little tricky. Three letter name for the dark embodiment of all that was evil and unholy. Him noticed Sedusa starting to put on her coat and quickly cleared his throat. She stopped and threw him a confused look.

"What's wrong?" He sighed and twirled his claw, causing Sedusa to sit back down against her will. She started to glare but it was quickly squelched.

"Oh I've just decided to tell you about your little trinket, I suppose you deserve to know. After all you've done such a good job taking care of it," Sedusa picked up her amulet, looking it over. She sent a knowing leer at Him.

"I'm still not going to say the word on it," To her surprise he just nodded and stood up, walking over to the counter and leaning on it.

"I guessed as much, oh well. I'll just tell you anyway since you asked so nicely this morning," Him sighed and twirled his claw. His red mist whipped up in front of them, spreading and creating a simplistically drawn image depicting a castle surrounded by fire.

"Well you see a long time ago there was a little...dispute at my old home. We had just found the place and got this nice castle built when some little...imbecile decides to ask who was going to be the ruler," Sedusa nodded, glancing at the demon more than the image he was showing her. He looked uncharacteristically solemn, frowning and slouching. His usual flamboyant movements were gone, he just twirled his claw casually as the scene played out in the puff of smoke.

"Well there were a few of us who thought we should be the ruler...so we started fighting over it. Messy little conflict," Him sighed and slammed his claw down on the table, pouting and looking away. Sedusa jumped and flinched back. "I was just about to win too! But no, no, no! Those ingrates decided they just didn't want any of us, so they all got together and cast us out of Hell, they even locked the gate on us!" Him tutted and waved his claw, causing the mist to disappear. Sedusa whistled, looking at the amulet again.

"Wow, what happened then?" Him shrugged and smiled fondly, bringing his claw to his lips.

"Oh we kept fighting...we blamed each other for the whole mess. Started what you humans called the Dark Ages, oh such fun! A great, miserable time!" Him crossed his arms and sat down on the counter, sighing. "Then I had enough, so I came here and settled down. I preferred local crime anyway. So much more personal, you know?" Sedusa raised an eyebrow, taking off the necklace and holding it up.

"But what does this have to do with any of that?" Him clapped his claws and pointed one at the trinket, sparks appearing in the air when his claw got a little too close.

"This is the key to opening the Hell Gate! If a human holds it and says the word on it, it will open the gate," Him jumped up and spun around, causing the entire diner to fill with red mist. Now Sedusa saw a throne room, depicted in the same simplistic style. Him wasn't exactly an artist. "And if one of the seven of us who were expelled reaches the Hell Throne and sits in it, we will become the ruler of the underworld! We'll gain unimaginable power, control over the Legion, and the power to incite the Apocalypse!" Sedusa couldn't resist snorting and laughing. Him was practically foaming at the mouth, starting at the image like a child eying a toy at Christmas time. She shook her head and dangled the amulet, swinging it back and forth.

"So you want me to say it so you can go back and claim a throne you think you deserve," Him nodded, clasping his claws in front of his face.

"Yes! That's all it does! Well..." Him blinked and shrugged, "You'd need to come with me, the amulet is needed to open the throne room it self...but other than that yes!" Sedusa rolled her eyes and dropped the necklace on the counter, resting her cheek on her hand and staring at it.

"What do I get out of this?" Him shrugged and the mist evaporated, returning the diner to normal.

"Well I'll be the King of Hell, I could you know...spare your life in the Apocalypse, or grant you untold riches, or..." Sedusa shook her head and picked up the amulet.

"As appealing as that sounds, what reason do I have to trust you? You are a demon, right?" Him jumped up on the counter and sat on it, leaning his face close to Sedusa's.

"Well that's just a risk you'd have to take, isn't it?" Sedusa smirked and sighed.

"Will you leave me alone if I do it?" Him squealed and clapped his claws, nodding furiously. Sedusa laughed and smirked. She could already tell she was going to regret this.

"Alright...alright...what's the word?" Him quickly wrote it down and passed it to her, standing on the counter and bouncing with excitement. Sedusa stared at him and slowly shook her head. "You're going to have to stop that..." Him quickly jumped off the counter and stood up, hands behind his back, whistling casually. Sedusa smiled and looked at the paper, holding the amulet tightly. Sedusa took a deep breath, wishing this didn't feel so dramatic.

"E'yheb a'lEhas" The amulet had been rumbling violently the whole time she spoke the magic word, the entire diner rumbling with it. Sedusa and Him both held their breaths, waiting for the ancient demonic laser beams or magic glyphs that would open the gate to appear. The rumbling stopped suddenly and nothing else happened. Sedusa blinked and looked around, shaking the amulet and turning to Him. The demon still wore his bright, excited smile, his face frozen in an expression of joy. Slowly his face fell and he stared slack-jawed at the amulet.

"...Is that it? What did I do wrong?" Him opened and closed his mouth stupidly, trying to find his voice again. He rushed forward and gently held Sedusa's wrist, staring at the word written on the amulet.

"No! No you said it perfectly! Why didn't it work!?" Him turned her wrist over again and again, Sedusa wincing, eventually hissing as his grip got tighter and tighter. Still the look of disappointment and horror on his face kept her from saying anything. Him finally let go and walked away, rubbing his head with both claws. He growled, a low, deep rumbling sound that caused the floor to tremble. The pale-skinned thief swallowed and dropped the amulet, nursing the bruise forming on her wrist. This was certainly a different side of Him, not the merely annoyed angry, but a Him of real anger.

"**Why didn't it work!?" **Him knocked over a table with a flick of his wrist, a green mist rising out of his skin as he stomped around the diner, knocking over more and more tables. In his rage he tore a stool out of the floor and launched it at the wall, the stool piercing the wall and hanging in it loosely. Sedusa bit her lip, her hair stiffening and tensing instinctively. She got a good look at the demon's face. His eyes, blank, glowing venomous green like fire. His teeth gleaming, his entire body trembling. Now, suddenly...it wasn't so hard to understand that this fruity, flamboyant lobster man truly was the evilest of evil, the cruelest of cruel.

"**What did I do wrong!?**" Sedusa, now wearing her jacket, put a hand on Him's shoulder. The demon whipped around, snarling. Sedusa flinched and patted his shoulder, heading for the door.

"Relax, Boss, I'll keep hanging on to it. You figure out what we did wrong and we'll try again some other time...take it easy, supposed to be cold tonight," Him blinked and watched her leave, still panting, still snarling. Slowly his eyes returned to normal, the green mist stopped rising out of his skin. He blinked and quickly looked himself over, sighing with relief. They'd have noticed if he transformed...

"There's more to it?" Him scratched his head and looked around the diner, sighing and lowering his head. It had been so long since he'd really lost his temper...and he had noticed the bruise on Sedusa's wrist. With a heavy sigh, the demon left the diner in a flash of red mist. Before it dissipated, the mist repaired the diner until it looked good as new once more.


End file.
